Hobby Horses

It’s the dream of many kids to ride their horses off into the sunset. Frankly, it is probably not the dream of most to awkwardly hop hurdles on a broomstick topped with a felt horse head. And yet, the growing sport of Hobby Horsing has tens of thousands of participants enthralled in Scandinavia and Northern Europe. The strange sport consists of an equestrian-style course with hurdles that competitors are expected to clear. Hobby Horsers gallop over and around the hurdles, imitating a horse’s gait by shuffling their feet and prancing around the floor of the gymnasium. Instead of grading the inanimate wooden horses, judges instead evaluate the gracefulness of the humans launching themselves over the disappointingly small hurdles. Alarmingly, this sport has begun to spread to the United States. The first Hobby Horsing competition in our formerly patriotic country was held in 2017, and the “activity” has infested the equestrian culture ever since. With participation declining in classic American sports such as football or baseball, we must ensure that the next generation does not fall prey to soft European influences. While you’re busy picking out your son’s football cleats, he’ll be clamoring to shop at the fabric store to construct his very own Hobby Horse. Before too long, you’ll be asking yourself the dreaded question: what’s happened to the country we love?

Caio Bernardini